Explain

Claire was becoming frustrated with her husband's insistence that they always have sex in the dark. Hoping to rid him of his inhibitions, during a passionate evening she flipped on her reading lamp and was shocked to find a cucumber in his hand. "Is this what you have been using on me for the past 8 years?" she exclaimed. "Honey, let me explain" he pleaded. "You sneaky swine!" she screamed. "You impotent Son of a Bitch!" "Speaking of sneaky!" he interjected, "Perhaps you'd care to explain our two children!!"